Girls, I know you understand this and feel the intrinsic incredible emotion
You have just pulled over your head the worn, warm sweater belonging to a boy
Now you haven’t had a passionate kissing session or anything, but you got to go on a camping trip with him and 8 other people from school
And you practically slept together, your sleeping bag right next to his
And you woke in the night to watch him as he slept, but you couldn’t see anything because it was dark so you just lay there and listened to his breathing and wondered if your heart might burst

The sweater has that slightly goat-like smell which all teenage boys possess, and that smell will lovingly transfer to all your other clothes
If you get to keep it for a few days you can sleep with it, but don’t let your mom see because she’ll say, “What is that filthy thing, and who does it belong to besides the trash man?”
So you’ll have to keep it under the covers with you
You can kind of lie it beside you or wrap it around your waist or touch it on your legs or whatever, that’s your business

Now if the sweater has, like, reindeer on it or is a funny color like yellow, I’m sorry but you can’t get away with a sweater like that.
Look for brown or gray or blue
Anything other than that and you know you’re dealing with someone who’s different
And different is not what you’re looking for
You’re looking for those Alpine-ski chiseled features and that sort of blank look which passes for deep thought or at least the notion that someone’s home
You’re looking for the boy of your dreams who is the same boy in the dreams of all of your friends

Now the sweater isn’t going to fit you, of course
You can kind of roll up the sleeves in a jaunty way that says, “This is the sweater belonging to a boy and the boy is a genuine hunk-a hunk-a burning love and this is not just some hand-me-down from your brother or your father”

Monday, wear the sweater to school
Be calm, look cute
Don’t tell him about the dream you had about the place the two of you would share when you get older, just be yourself
The best, cutest, quietest person of yourself
Definitely wear lip gloss
He looks at you and he looks away and then he walks away and the smell of the sweater hits you again suddenly like ape-scent gloriola and you get a note passed to you by a girl in history that says he needs his sweater back, he forgot that you put it on in the tent on Saturday and he’s been looking for it
And you don’t have to die of humiliation
You are a strong person and this is a learning experience
You can still hold your head up high as you run from the classroom tearing the stinking sweater from your body

You look at that sweater, carefully
And you realize that love made you temporarily blind
You’ve got a secret now, honey, and though you would never sink as low as him you could blab it all over the school if you wanted
The label in that sweater said 100% Acrylic